What are you focusing on?

When I am feeling out of balance, I can usually guarantee that I have taken my eyes off of my God.  When I was on my road to burnout, I had taken my focus off of my relationship with Him. My focus became my job, my being ‘”successful”, my showing that I had worth. I am sure that you may have had a very similar story, although your objects of focus may be different.

As I began my road to recovery, I become aware that I have turned my focus, and maybe even my “worship” inward. I had to fix me, I had to decipher what was broken. I had to take care of me.*

That is an important focus. We DO have to take care of ourselves, above all else… except our relationship with Him.
*This is not all about attending church. I never stopped attending church, I just didn’t spend time on my relationship with God.

And the awesome thing is, once we fix our focus on Him, fixing ‘me’ becomes so much easier.

Not perfect, not instant, but much more guided.

He will help me along the way, He will bring things to my mind that I need to think about, that I need to change my perception on. We can try to do this stuff without Him, but He makes it so much easier. Well, most of the time! Sometimes he brings to mind things I’d rather NOT think about, such as things in my past, or character flaws, or maybe even SIN I am harboring deep within.

We have to realize that God has our best interests at heart. And we also need to remember that He sees the bigger picture. He knows what is up ahead. He knows where we need to change and grow to be prepared for the next stages of our lives. For the responsibility He wants to bring our way.

It is just like a situation with a child and a parent. I am reminded of when I don’t hear much from my young adult children. Most of the time things are fine, but sometimes when the silence goes on too long, it is because they have gotten themselves in a little bit of trouble. They may avoid talking to me because they know they have messed things up and don’t want to disappoint me or hear me say “I told you so!”

I can do this myself!

When we take our life into our own hands, we don’t want to talk to God, for the same reasons. We don’t want Him to point out where we messed up, or what we should’ve done. The thing is, He does not parent just like us, we are human, He is God.

He will lovingly scold us and help us see where we went wrong. What we should be doing differently. How our thinking and perception is skewed. He only wants what is best for us in the long run.

I know that not everyone who reads here is a Christian or even believes in God. I respect that and hope you will use this information as you best can.

So let me ask, when you are most stressed, are you focusing on God? Or your to-do list? Your checking account? Maybe it is your family, you do have to take care of them!

Consider how you can shift your focus back to the most important. What can you try this week to do this?

You may be struggling to keep your head above water, doing everything you can to keep going each day.

You may have let some of your regular duties slide. Your house may not be as clean as you would like. There is laundry, dirty and clean, in piles and baskets. You fed your family cereal for breakfast more times than you can count because you haven’t had the strength to cook.

You may be struggling with depression. You may have a physical illness, maybe even cancer. You may be under an extreme amount of pressure at your job. Everybody is always wanting more and more from you.

And you, you may be disappointed in yourself. You may be beating yourself up. Wondering why don’t you just get it together and deal with it all. I have been in that place myself. When I was close to my breakdown, I pushed and pushed myself, continually pushing beyond my physical and emotional limits because I thought I should be able to “do better”. To handle it all.

Extending grace and compassion to a friend

If you had a friend who was going through what you are and she actually let you know it, you would extend love and compassion to her, and grace, lots of grace. You wouldn’t condemn her for not being able to “do it all”.

You would offer to listen. You would tell her not to worry about the house and the kids, they are tough and will get through. That a steady diet of cereal for a few weeks never hurt anyone long-term.

You would tell her it is okay to be exhausted. It is understandable with everything she is going through. You would tell her to say NO to some things, even if they seem important at the time, and just go to bed.

You would suggest that she get some help, from her husband, her parents, her friends. And that it is okay to ask for help. It doesn’t mean she is weak, or not as good as others because she is having difficulty coping.

You would recommend that she go to the doctor and be under good medical care. And that she follow her doctor’s advice.

You would tell your good friend these things. You would wrap your arms around her and let her cry if needed.

You would pray for her, and ask others to pray as well.

Why don’t we offer ourselves the same grace

Then why, oh why, are we so hard on ourselves? If it were us in this situation instead of a “friend”, you would be criticizing your “lack of ability”, your “weakness.”

You would be ashamed and want no one to know. You would hide your pain and keep plugging on, hoping no one would find out.

My hope is to help women, and men, to treat themselves with the same decency and respect we would those around us. YOU deserve that love and respect. You deserve to be cared for and treated well. You deserve the right to put yourself first sometimes over others.

You. Right now. The reader who is hurting.

YOU deserve grace and compassion. First and foremost from YOURSELF.

And then you owe it to yourself to reach out to someone close to you. Whether it is to just cry on someone’s shoulder or a desperate plea for help, DO IT TODAY.

And if you are struggling so deeply that you are not sure you can go on, that you don’t want to live in this pain,

CALL the NATIONAL SUICIDE HOTLINE NOW 1-800-273-8255

Information is everywhere. It is bombarding us faster than the speed of light. This is definitely been known as the Information Age.

If you even try to comprehend just HOW MUCH information is at our fingertips, it is mind-boggling. Let me try to paint the picture for you.

From Wikipedia:

The world’s technological capacity to store information grew from 2.6 exabytes in 1986 to 295 (optimally compressed) exabytes in 2007. This is equivalent to less than one 730-MB CD-ROMs per person in 1986 (539 MB per person), with an increase to almost 61 CDs per person in 2007. Piling up the imagined 404 billion CDs from 2007 would create a stack from the earth to the moon and beyond.

At our fingertips

As a kid, if I wanted to know something, I had to look it up in a dictionary, an encyclopedia, a reference book, or the Yellow Pages. So many times I had to wait until I could get the library to find out what I wanted to know.

When my oldest was  preschool age, we bought a set of World Book Encyclopedias to have that resource in our home. Our daughter was a young reader and began pouring over those encyclopedias, absorbing and learning all she could.

She now has a home of her own with 6 kids, and when her kids want to know something, they just hop on one of their 3 computers and Google what they want to know (obviously with some supervision). Within seconds they find whatever they were looking for.

What a blessing!

Or, is it a curse?

We now have 281 Exabytes (eighteen zeros) of non-stop information that comes in form of emails, attachments, text messages, thought-starters and FYIs. An unbelievable amount.

But what can we do?

Take regular breaks from digital input

Now, obviously, I am not suggesting we go live in a box. But I would recommend that you set aside some time to unplug on a regular basis.

Daily- Turn off the laptop, turn off the TV, spend some time outside, play with your kids, snuggle up to someone you love.

Weekly- Have at least half day a week that you are unplugged, and see if you can work up to a full day. Many try to take Sunday as a digital sabbatical.

Once or twice a year- Take a weekend or  more to close the computer and walk away. You may have to have your phone, but use it only for calling and texting.

Reduce the amount of info coming in

• Do you really need to read all the “news�? on Yahoo’s home page?
• How many blogs do you have going to your Reader?
• Do you have to listen to the news on the radio, watch it at 6 and again at 11?
• Unsubscribe from all unnecessary emails.
• Turn off notifications on your phone.
• Have scheduled times when you check email, Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.
• Do you really need to receive catalogs and magazines by mail anymore?

Think of ways you can reduce what you have bombarding your brain and filling your personal space.

What are some ways you want to reduce your information overload?

In reading and studying depression, in an effort to overcome it myself, and to help others who are also dealing with depression, I found that there are at least 8 areas of your life that are affected by depression. They are not a cause of depression, but may definitely contain habits that are keeping you in your depressed state.

In a previous post, I discuss how medication may be able to help those of us who are depressed feel somewhat better, but to achieve a deeper longer relief from depression, we must learn to undo some of the habits we have built that may be keeping us moving forward.

By learning and understanding these negative habits in our lives, we may then take steps to slowly change the negative habits into positive ones that will help support our healing and overcoming depression.

8 areas of life that affect depression*

Emotions- This is an obvious one, but it doesn’t just deal with feeling depressed. We may have problems feeling other types of emotions. We may choose to feel nothing at all due to the pain it may cause us. We typically have learned some self-defeating ways of handling our emotions.

Behavior- Many depressives are also perfectionists. We feel that we have to do everything, and do it well. We may attempt to do something and not succeed as we think we ought, so we give up trying to do anything. Or, maybe we get a burst of energy and think we can change everything in our lives. We start a diet, exercise program, go back to school, start a new business, and organize our house, all in the same week. When we fall short of what we think we should be able to do, we quit everything and decide it isn’t worth the trouble because we will just fail anyway.

Thought processes- We all have thought processes. Many we learned from our parents, or our experiences growing up. Many times these processes are not correct, but to us they are, and we make every decision based upon these. Many of these thoughts tend to be subconscious and must be discovered and examined for recovery to continue.

Stress- Stress keeps us in a constant fight-or-flight mode, which can have horrible effects on the body and the mind. Ongoing stress without healthy coping skills can definitely contribute to depression, and keep us there if we allow it to. Mindfulness is one of the best ways to learn to handle stress in a more healthy manner.

Relationships- Close relationships for depressives can be difficult. We hurt deeply inside and long for someone to help us and heal it, but we are so ashamed of our feelings we don’t open up and let people know. We tend to expect people to reject us, so we may reject others first to keep from experiencing the pain of rejection.

The body- Depressed people tend to be out of touch with their bodies. We overwork, we overeat or eat too little. We don’t sleep well. We don’t exercise. We push ourselves harder than we should, or we think we aren’t capable of doing anything.

The self- Depressives don’t usually have a good sense of self esteem. We look to others to help build our self esteem, but then feel guilty for placing so much burden on others. We want to feel loved but feel we are unlovable. We lack confience in our own judgement. We need to learn how to set priorities, to trust our decisions, and to take pride in our accomplishments.

Spiritually- As a Christian that also suffers from depression, I deal with the guilt that I think I should not feel depressed. I also must learn to depend on God as a source of strength and healing rather than trying to do all of this on my own. Many of my self-defeating habits are of my own doing, therefore I feel like I should “fix” them myself. I must learn that God is standing by, watching and waiting for me to admit that I need His help and cannot do this on my own.

Are there certain areas in your life where you can already see where you may have some habits you need to work on?

The book, Undoing Depression has some really great steps for doing just what I am writing about here. I will be writing more from this book, however, you may want your own copy. You can purchaseUndoing Depression at many good book stores.

*If you are not sure if you are depressed and you are not critical, or if you are suffering or numb, please call your doctor for an evaluation asap! *If, however, you are in critical condition, call someone today! Here is the number for The National Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-8255.

How to make friends

Finding friends, especially for people who work from home, or stay-at-home moms, used to be more difficult. With the advent of the internet with forums and discussion boards, and now with social media, it is much easier to connect with those who are like-minded.

Not that all your friends have to be just like you. It is just nice to have friends who “get” you. They understand what makes you tick.

In the years before the internet, you had to rely on community clubs and groups, or maybe national organizations, to find people with similar interests. But even then it was difficult to narrow it down. If you like growing herbs and finding or creating recipes with those herbs, if you actually wanted to find others who did that, it would be more difficult to find or just run across someone with similar likes.

Social media is more, well, social

I love that with the vastness of the internet, and now with the advent of social media, specifically in blogging, Facebook, Twitter, and now the new kid on the block, Pinterest, finding those like-minded people has become SO much easier.

Whatever your interests are, I am sure there is a blog or Facebook group for it. If you are looking for a blog on a certain topic, use this Google search function to help you find them.  And the Facebook search bar is not just for your friends you are looking for. You can search topics there as well, to find groups or organizations that are relevant.

Being part of the blogging community is a nice thing, but sometimes the people around us, in our every day lives, they just don’t get what we do as bloggers. As a matter of fact, this AWESOME picture is spreading like wildfire, and we bloggers love it as there is a good amount of truth to the way others see us.

Since it is difficult to get others to understand what it is that I actually do (and it is not sit on Pinterest all day, I promise!) it is nice to go to an event where there are lots of other bloggers who GET me!

I do have a local group for my metro area, and we chat a lot on Facebook, but it is difficult to find time to get together in person.

I am so happy and blessed to be attending the Blissdom bloggers conference in Nashville, next week. Excited to not only be attending, but to have been chosen as a community leader as well. I will be helping Blissdom newbies feel welcome, answer any questions they may have, plus we are mentors at our tables within the conference. I love the opportunity to connect with the newer bloggers, and help them find the answers to their questions.

Make new friends, but keep the old

For me, since I have been to several conferences already, Blissdom is a reunion of sorts. I get to see friends that I met at previous conferences and have kept up with them. Here are a few that I can’t wait to see again:

Cris Goode from Goodeness Gracious

Jenn Perry from Daze of Adventure

Michelle from Honest and Truly

Shell from Things I Can’t Say

Heather Solos from Home Ec 101

Angela England from well, Angela England (she has several websites!)

And then the next great part about conferences is getting to meet people IN REAL LIFE that you have been friends with online forever! Here are a few I cannot wait to meet in person!

Melissa from She Owns It

Deborah from Ask Doc G

Christa from Live and Love Work

Annette Jett, a fellow contributor at 30 Second Mom

And there will be SO many more that I will get to connect with, that blog, work online, spend time networking on Twitter and Facebook.

I have to just throw in here that while the conference itself is awesome, and we learn SO much, we also have a GREAT time. We are all SO excited as they just named the entertainers that will be there. Rascal Flatts, Joe Jonas, Chris Mann (current contestant on The Voice) and more! EXCITING!

Find your place

If you haven’t found places to connect with like-minded people, I encourage you to step out, in person, or online, and make some connections with some people who GET you.

You may be struggling to keep your head above water, doing everything you can to keep going each day.

You may have let some of your regular duties slide. Your house may not be as clean as you would like. There is laundry, dirty and clean, in piles and baskets. You fed your family cereal for breakfast more times than you can count because you haven’t had the strength to cook.

You may be struggling with depression. You may have a physical illness, maybe even cancer. You may be under an extreme amount of pressure at your job. Everybody is always wanting more and more from you.

And you, you may be disappointed in yourself. You may be beating yourself up. Wondering why don’t you just get it together and deal with it all. I have been in that place myself. When I was close to my breakdown, I pushed and pushed myself, continually pushing beyond my physical and emotional limits because I thought I should be able to “do better”. To handle it all.

Extending grace and compassion to a friend

If you had a friend who was going through what you are and she actually let you know it, you would extend love and compassion to her, and grace, lots of grace. You wouldn’t condemn her for not being able to “do it all”.

You would offer to listen. You would tell her not to worry about the house and the kids, they are tough and will get through. That a steady diet of cereal for a few weeks never hurt anyone long-term.

You would tell her it is okay to be exhausted. It is understandable with everything she is going through. You would tell her to say NO to some things, even if they seem important at the time, and just go to bed.

You would suggest that she get some help, from her husband, her parents, her friends. And that it is okay to ask for help. It doesn’t mean she is weak, or not as good as others because she is having difficulty coping.

You would recommend that she go to the doctor and be under good medical care. And that she follow her doctor’s advice.

You would tell your good friend these things. You would wrap your arms around her and let her cry if needed.

You would pray for her, and ask others to pray as well.

Why don’t we offer ourselves the same grace

Then why, oh why, are we so hard on ourselves? If it were us in this situation instead of a “friend”, you would be criticizing your “lack of ability”, your “weakness.”

You would be ashamed and want no one to know. You would hide your pain and keep plugging on, hoping no one would find out.

My hope is to help women, and men, to treat themselves with the same decency and respect we would those around us. YOU deserve that love and respect. You deserve to be cared for and treated well. You deserve the right to put yourself first sometimes over others.

You. Right now. The reader who is hurting.

YOU deserve grace and compassion. First and foremost from YOURSELF.

And then you owe it to yourself to reach out to someone close to you. Whether it is to just cry on someone’s shoulder or a desperate plea for help, DO IT TODAY.

And if you are struggling so deeply that you are not sure you can go on, that you don’t want to live in this pain,

CALL the NATIONAL SUICIDE HOTLINE NOW 1-800-273-8255

One of the areas that you need to address regularly when trying to have a balanced life is living healthy. This is something that I have struggled with for a long time. Especially when I was so overworked, I feel like I did some major damage to my body and now I am working to try and heal it. Not just from a medical standpoint but from a nutritional standpoint as well.

On my other site, I have written about my me and my husband’s journey to not only lose weight, but to become healthier. After many ups and downs, we have converted our diet to about 90% clean, unprocessed foods. We eat mainly a vegetable and fruit based diet, although we do eat meat or fish a few times a week. We are also limiting our processed carb intake, mainly just potatoes, beans, and brown rice.

Eating more vegetables was a challenge for me at first. For so many years, my idea of vegetables for dinner was canned green beans and canned corn! It takes time to break out of longstanding habits and routines. I wanted to share with you some things that have helped me to add more vegetables into our diet.

10 ways you can add more vegetables (and fruits) into your diet:

1. Look for one-pot meals that could enable you to add veggies in without changing the flavor too much. My daughter adds shredded carrots to her jarred spaghetti sauce and her kids have no idea!

2. Look at your store’s flyer for the week (most you can view online) and see what veggies are on sale. These are usually the items that are currently in season, making them even better for you since they aren’t shipped so far. Plan meals around these vegetables.

3. Once you buy your produce, don’t bury it away in the bottom drawers never to be thought of again. Keep it on a higher shelf so it is plain sight every time you open the fridge.

4. Consider how you can use veggies for a snack. Carrots and celery can be dipped into dressing or hummus. I love raw zucchini and my husband loves cherry tomatoes! And of course fruits make a great snack. Tangerines, grapes, apples, bananas are all so portable and easy to grab on the go.

5. Think about what vegetables you DO like and already eat. See if there are some different ways to prepare them. Maybe a sauce you could add, or an alternate way of cooking.

6. Consider having salad for lunch everyday or a side salad with your dinner meal. There are lots of things you could add to your salad such as: carrots, cucumbers, tomatoes, celery, mushrooms, edamame, spinach. Keep the makings of a salad handy in your fridge so it is easy to throw one together. The possibilities are endless!

7. What about a shake for breakfast? Smoothies are all the rage right now as it is a good way to sneak in some fruit and veggies into your diet. You can start with a handful of spinach, some frozen strawberries, half a banana, 2 spoons of yogurt and a cup of skim milk. Blend it up well and I promise you won’t taste the spinach!  There are tons of recipes on the web for these, but eventually you figure out what you like best.

8. During the winter especially, it may be easier for you to use frozen vegetables. These are almost as good as fresh, and you can keep a stash handy for your use. I would recommend not buying the kind with pre-made sauces, better to make and add your own. I also keep frozen fruits on hand for a smoothie or a fruit crumble. I plan this summer to buy some things when they are abundant and cheap and freeze them myself.

9. Most vegetables taste awesome roasted in the oven. I love to roast zucchini, cauliflower, asparagus, and I even roasted cabbage this week. I use a variety of spices depending on the style of the meal, but always salt and pepper, and brush with oil. I may throw in onions, garlic, balsamic vinegar, or soy sauce. Roasting brings out a whole different flavor, give it a try!

10. Buying fresh and local is the best way to go. During the summer and into fall, there are local farmer’s markets where you can buy VERY fresh in-season produce. Also consider joining a CSA group or Community Supported Agriculture. It is a great way to get regular veggies and support your local economy. Read more about CSA’s.

Originally posted by konczakowski

It took some time for us to make the shift to a vegetable based diet. If you are like most Americans, you may have had one to two vegetables a day (not including a potato as a vegetable here). It is recommended that we have anywhere from 6-10 servings of fruits and vegetables a day, so most are a long way off from that goal!

What is your favorite way to add veggies into a meal?

Many of my friends were amazed that I did an overnight backpacking trip last weekend. Even more so, they were amazed that I hiked a total of 12.6 miles of the Appalachian Trail.

I have been training a bit, doing day hikes. I was not planning necessarily for a backpack trip, but when my group scheduled it, I decided to give it a try. (If you would like to find a local group to hike with, search on Traildames. You can also search on Meetup)

Hiking is a lot like running, or cycling. It is not fun when it is hard, but the reward of sticking with it and pushing on to the end, that feels amazing. It is something that most would not understand unless they had also pushed through something extremely physically and mentally challenging.

The thing about this hike was, it didn’t necessarily take self-discipline to complete it, that was sheer determination and endurance (not to mention the will to get back to civilization!) But completing this hike helped me to build my self-discipline muscle, if you will. It helped me to see that:

I AM strong and capable.

I CAN do what I set my mind to.

I do NOT have to be at the whim of my “lazy”self who lives inside of me and tries to rise up.

I have some friends who are participating in a fitness bootcamp. They say it has been one of the hardest things they have ever done, yet they have grown so much by doing so, and not just in their physical ability. Check them out at The Bizy Mommy and I Heart 7.

Want to build YOUR self-discipline muscle? Give it a good workout. Choose something REALLY hard and give it all you’ve got. You’ll be surprised at what you gain.

PS. I am going to give their bootcamp a try tonight!

Ah, the ever elusive balanced life.

So many seek to find that balance, that place where they feel like they are doing everything they are supposed to do in their lives. Juggling all their roles, spinning all the plates at one time.

The truth is, that the scenario above rarely ever happens, or if it does, it doesn’t last very long before the plates come crashing down.

Not to be a negative Nellie or anything, but the sooner we realize that we will never REALLY have it all balanced out, the less stress and expectations we will feel in our mind.

If we accept that the perfect balanced life is not only not attainable for us, but that it is not attainable for those others out there who seem to have it all together, we will learn to be more realistic and accept that while they may LOOK like they have it all together, they are probably one step away from crashing plates.

The biggest gift we can give ourselves and the women around us is the freedom to be real and to be ourselves and to NOT be perfect.

Living a balanced life is an ongoing process and one that we will constantly work with, making decisions based upon our goals and our priorities at that given time and place in our lives.

Balancing your life over time

I heard author Emily Freeman make a comparison recently that I thought was so good. Think about a toddler who is going through a picky eating phase. We worry because for the past 3 days he has wanted nothing but bananas. But then tomorrow, all of a sudden he loves broccoli. And every couple of days (or weeks) his tastes change to something different. If you discuss this matter with the pediatrician, she will likely tell you that even though his diet is heavy in certain areas for days on end, if you spread it out over several weeks time, he actually IS eating a balanced diet.

It is the same with our lives. In different seasons of our lives we may be heavily focused on one area and others may get as much attention. And you may very well feel guilty about this. Yes, we should examine our lives and priorities on a regular basis, but we need to realize that there are times when certain areas will require more attention. You just have to learn to live by and make decisions based upon your current situations and not let yourself feel guilty about what you think you OUGHT to be doing. Be aware and be cognizant of the situation, and know that when you can, you will devote more time and energy to the other areas of your life.

While the TRUE balance never really happens, do keep in mind that even though you may be more heavily spending time in one or two areas, that the other areas of your life WILL need some occasional attention. One cannot completely neglect the areas of your life for an extended time without it causing difficulty.

If you neglect your health, your faith or your relationships for an extended time, these can have some serious repercussions, so even in the busiest of times, work to build a little time for each in your life. Don’t put yourself on a guilt trip if you cannot devote the time you would like right now, just do what you can. Give yourself some grace and pray for God to help what you can do to be enough for the moment.  Just know that over time, you focus and activity and attention will balance out, as long as you keep your eyes fixed on your priorities.

Do you feel your life is way out of balance at this point in your life? What areas do you feel you are neglecting?

Don’t get me wrong, I love the gadgets of our day. I mean, take a look at this picture. Do we really want to carry around all this stuff, or have it in our house? Technology has come a LONG way!

Yes, technology has provided us with so many opportunities. To see so much, to do so much, to connect with so many, all around the world. Yet in all this connecting, have we forgotten how to TRULY connect?

Do you connect…

Have we forgotten how to connect with ourselves? Can we spend time alone, without a smartphone or iPad or Kindle to keep us occupied? Can we spend time in nature and truly enjoy being there, basking in the wonderfulness of the vast world around us?

Have we forgotten how to connect with our significant other? Do we text our conversations, rather than looking one another in the eye? Do they have your attention when you are with them, or is one eye on your phone?

Same with your children. When you are with your children, are you really WITH them? Do they have your attention when they are talking to you? Are you really SEEING them, watching them grow and discover and love life?

And what about even coworkers or people you do business with? Do you converse with those around you? Do you speak to the cashier at the store, or the server at the restaurant?

I am not asking you to give up your electronics. I am simply asking you to be more mindful of those around you, and of your environment. Consider some boundaries that you place on yourself and discuss boundaries for electronics in your relationships.

Some are even addicted to the connectedness of social media (believe me, I get this!) On a deeper lever, we are excited at what is going on in our “world”, when in reality we may be missing out on what is actually happening in our REAL world in front of us.

I have been guilty of this in the past and I am sure I will be again, but I am striving to be fully present when I am with other people. I want those around me to feel like they are important enough to be paid attention to, whether it is my husband or the cashier at the grocery store.

5 ways to loosen the hold of technology

1. Turn of all unnecessary notifications. Do you really need to know when someone likes a status update you made on Facebook? Every time you hear a beep, you will be distracted for a second, even if you don’t check it right away. The only notifications I use are for text messages and my ringer. And at night I turn off the text messaging beep. Only an emergency phone call should disturb me overnight.

2. Set your own personal boundaries as to when you will and will not access your phone. It is not “wrong” to check your phone when you are with your kids, but decide when and how often is appropriate.

I personally try not to talk on the phone when I have a family member in the car with me, or I keep it short and sweet. This will all depend on the ages of those we are talking about and the circumstances. I will tell you, that if you want your kids to converse with you as they get older, you need to use time in the car to have conversations with each other, rather than talking on the phone.

Again, each family is different, but when my kids were teens, they were allowed to listen to their own music, but they had to keep one ear unplugged so they could hear me. I did not want them to be in the habit of completely tuning out of the conversation.

3. Have some time each day when you are unplugged. Time when you can hear yourself think. Time to think on the things that are important to you. I personally like to take a few minutes each day in prayer. Maybe you meditate. We just need time to hear our own thoughts and work to accept, process and deal with them, whatever they may be.

4. Don’t have electronics on just out of habit. Turn on the TV when you are planning to watch something. Pull out your laptop when you have something specific to do. Schedule times each day for visiting Facebook and Twitter, and reading blogs and news.

5. Accept that you can’t see and know everything. There will ALWAYS be more blogs to read, more Pins to see, more status updates to read, more news to know. Learn to accept what you can reasonably access, and let the rest go. Hit the little X in the upper right hand corner, and turn the power off.

Let’s remember that technology is a TOOL and we are to be the master of the tool, not a slave to it.

How do YOU keep technology from taking over your life and relationships?

This past weekend, I went with some of my extended family to a local attraction/theme park. They had multiple venues and shows going on. We went to several and I enjoyed watching these things through my grandkids eyes.

One of the shows was similar to the concept of the Island of Misfit Toys from from the classic Rudolph special. This live show had several toys who didn’t feel like they measured up to other toys. The robot didn’t feel smart enough, the superhero wasn’t very brave and the baby doll didn’t feel like smiling.

It was a cute show and had a happy ending for all the toys. One of the lines of one of the songs stuck with me though.

Who says who’s the best? Who decides who’s better than the rest?

~ Casey, the Not-So-Superhero Doll

I began to think about the pressure we have upon us in our society to perform. Whether at our jobs, our families, in our relationships, in our communities, we feel this enormous pressure to do what others expect us to do.  And when I say “others”, I mainly mean society in general as a whole. Think of Dennis the Toymaker Elf who really wanted to be a dentist!

We try and try to keep up with what is expected of us. We work harder and faster and sleep less. And if we aren’t able to keep up with those expectations, we feel like we are not as good as everyone else.

Well I want to ask the questions: WHO decides what we SHOULD be doing? WHO dictates what we should spend our time and effort on?

Like Casey, the Not-So-Superhero Doll, I want to know who made up the rules? (NOTE: I am NOT getting into the spiritual realm here of believing in the absolute truth of God, or laws of the land)

These expectations that we feel are placed upon us, in reality are expectations we are demanding of ourselves. They are things we THINK we should be doing because that is what everyone else is doing.

Why do you do the things you do?

We need to stop and examine our lives. WHY are we doing the things we do? Is it because it is something that is truly important to us? If so great. If not, then why are you doing them?

Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying we should live in a bubble and only do what we feel like doing. I just think we need to be more focused with our choices of priorities and activities.

Think about the things you do each day. Ask yourself these questions:

• Will it make a difference in 5 years if I don’t do it?
• Am I breaking the law or personal moral laws by doing or not doing it?
• Will it harm someone if I don’t do it?
• Will the world end if I don’t do it?
• Will I make a difference in someone’s life by doing this?

I remember asking my kids when they would get upset about something “Will this really matter next week? Then why are you fretting and fighting?”

Be intentional

Instead of rushing around trying to do all the things you think you SHOULD do, think about the things that matter to you. Of course your family and those you love, but also think about organizations and cause that are important to YOU. Not because someone else says you should, but because it matters to YOU.

When you free up a little of your time by clearing yourself of some of the non-important things, you can then CHOOSE what to focus on. You can be intentional in your activities. You can do what is important to you and to those you love, instead of bowing down to some invisible “THEY”  or “EVERYBODY ELSE”.

What things would you focus on if you had the time?  Your health, the homeless, rescuing strays, mentoring kids in the neighborhood? YOU make your rules, what would YOU choose?

(Source: livingthebalancedlife.com)

If you are like me and have flat feet then you will have plenty of trouble with your feet. I have lost count of the number of times that I have had plantar fasciitis and other foot problems. Constant foot aches and pain and not being able to walk properly can be a real drag especially as foot injuries such as plantar fasciitis can take ages to heal. Over the years I have tried many different things to try to help my flat feet but for me, the thing that helped the most was fitting some orthotic insoles inside my shoes.

My pick of the best arch support insoles:

Over the years I have tried different brands of off the shelf inserts, some worked wonders for my feet whilst others I have tried made things worse for me. Here I have summarized the 5 insoles that worked best for me. However, it must be emphasized that what works for me and my specific needs may not work for everyone as everyone’s feet and needs are different.

1. Footreviver arch support insoles

These Footreviver arch support insoles are the best insoles that I have tested. They are great at fixing common issues that can affect your feet and cause injury and pain. For example, having flat feet(fallen arches) or having high arches can increase your risk of developing painful foot injuries such as plantar fasciitis as more strain and pressure is placed on your foot ligaments. Arch support insoles help to evenly distribute weight and pressure and correct the way that your foot functions this will in turn help to reduce strain and damage to your feet.

They will provide you with a superb arch support that really does help to your feet from aching if you are on them for too long. What I also liked about these insoles is the fact that they are made from shock absorbing carbon fiber so are super lightweight and don’t feel as though they are weighing down your shoes when you wear them. With the Footreviver 30 day money back guarantee it means that you are also never left feeling out of pocket because if they aren’t right for you then you can simply send them back to get a full refund. HOW GOOD IS THAT! You can buy a pair here.

Pros of buying these insoles:

-Features the best arch support that will support even the flattest of feet!
-Lightweight and fit inside any number of shoes without any hassle.
-Shock absorbing heel cup makes sure your heels are protected and will prevent heel pain even if you are busy on your feet for most of the day.
Will help a number of foot injuries including plantar fasciitis, Achilles tendonitis as well as injuries affecting your lower limbs such as shin splints and knee tendonitis.
-Comes with a 30-day money back guarantee.

2. Footreviver Shock absorbing insoles

Next on my list are these shock absorbing insoles also from Footreviver. They provide excellent shock absorption and are really good at supporting your heels if you suffer from heel pain or an ankle injury. The arch support is not as good as the other Footreviver insoles but it is enough to keep your arches from hurting if you don’t have flat feet but have normal arches feet and do not require extra support. If you like the look of these, then you can buy a pair here.

Pros of buying these insoles:

-Has the best shock absorption out of all the insoles listed
-Ideal for runners and athletes
-Orthotic compression support increases blood flow around the feet to help boost injury recovery, also ideal for people with diabetes
-Breathable holes circulate air around the feet making them ideal for hot summer days.
-Perfect for people with plantar fasciitis, shin splints, and knee injuries that can get worse from shock

3. Insoles for Sports from NuovaHealth

These insoles are purposely created for people who love running and playing sports. They feature orthotic support that is perfect for anyone who suffers from overpronation (a very common cause of foot pain). They use orthotic support to realign and position your feet in the most natural way possible to help stop over-pronation damaging your feet when you walk. With their memory foam top layer, your feet will stay comfortable all day long no matter how long you’re on them for. You can buy a pair from here.

Pros of buying these insoles:

-Built to last, these insoles are made from high-quality durable materials so will stand the test of time even if you wear them a lot!
-Shock absorption helps to keep your feet protected all day long from shock.
-Memory foam layer gives your feet EVEN more comfort.
-The 30-day money back guarantee means you don’t have to worry about the insoles not working because you can just send them back to get a full refund.

4. FootReviver orthotic insoles

These are definitely a pair that works! A good pair of orthotic arch support insoles can have a tremendous impact on your health by restoring balance and correcting your posture.

These orthotic insoles will keep your feet feeling grounded, helping to gives you more balance and stability in day to day life reducing your risk of sprains and strains in your lower legs and feet!

Whatever your foot complaint.. wearing some of these is a must! Having a good pair of insoles in your shoes can also stop you from getting hip and back problems in the future. Orthotic insoles will help to improve your posture having a positive impact on your whole anatomy and health.

Pros of buying these insoles:

-Improves posture and helps restore balance to your body
-Rigid arch support ideal for treating and preventing overuse injuries affecting the feet.
-Solid heel cup helps give your heels more stability and balance
-Ultra lightweight and can be easily fitted inside even the narrowest of shoes
-The inbuilt metatarsal pad supports and protects the balls of your feet and eases metatarsalgia.

5.Gel high heel insoles from NuovaHealth

Next on my list are these gel high heel insoles from NuovaHealth. These are the best choice if you are wearing high heels shoes and want some extra support and protection. They are super lightweight and don’t bulk up your shoes. The massaging gel massages your feet and supports them in a comfortable position. The added heel grips will keep your feet firmly planted in your shoes and stop them from moving around to help stop sprains! You can buy a pair from here.

Pros of buying these insoles:

-Discrete, lightweight and the perfect choice for wearing inside high heels
-Silicone gel massages your feet and absorbs shock when you walk.
-Gives your feet more support and extra stability when wearing high heels
-Stops your feet from slipping or moving around when wearing high heels helping to treat and prevent a number of high heel-related injuries including blisters, bunions, and ankle sprains and strains.
-Affordable costing only £4.99 per pair also includes a 30-day money back guarantee.

NOTE: Be careful when searching for the “best insoles” online, there are lots of scammers out there who create fake review articles online with the sole purpose of getting you to buy from Amazon through their affiliate link. These marketers aren’t bothered about helping ease your foot pain.. all they are bothered about is getting their commission and will say anything to get you to buy. I have wasted so much money buying insoles after going with the advice found on those sites. So make sure you aren’t fooled by the scammers!

Our lives are made up of habits. Things we do, mostly without thought.

We have good habits, such as:

• exercising
• choosing natural foods over processed
• drinking water instead of soda
• reading to our children
• calling our spouse at lunch
• saving money each payday
• flushing the toilet
• brushing our teeth

And then we have our bad habits:

• smoking
• drinking too much
• staying up too late
• sleeping too late
• watching too much TV
• biting nails
• driving too fast
• spending too much

Each of us has our own battles we fight with our bad habits.

Replace bad habits with good habits

Most of the time we focus on how badly we need to stop doing our bad habits. We try to do so by sheer willpower. And we all know that this can be difficult and the success rate isn’t always great.

We probably did not make a conscious decision to start a bad habit, but it will definitely take a concentrated effort to STOP one.

Rather than just trying to quit a bad habit, many are more successful if they replace a bad habit with a good one.

For instance, if you smoke, and are trying to quit, carry gum to chew, or even better, something healthy like a bag of baby carrots or celery sticks to munch when the urge hits.

If you are not getting to bed early enough to get enough sleep and wake up feeling refreshed, there are several factors involved here. Think about a peaceful bedtime routine, your ideal routine. Maybe a hot bath, or reading a book, or snuggling with your spouse.

Now make a plan as to how you can create that evening routine and begin getting more rest. It will take willpower to turn off the TV or the laptop (and phone, and iPad!) but if you are replacing it with something enjoyable, it will be more easy to do.

Only tackle one habit at a time

Those who write about and study human habits suggest not trying to change multiple things at one time. That is why New Year’s resolution fail so many times, as a person is trying to change and implement 6 things at once.

A much better course of action is to choose 1 habit to change per month. Focus on that one habit, replacing your negative habit with something positive.

The next month, once the new habit (the good one) has become natural, then choose another habit to work on.

Creating a healthier diet, one step at a time

One are where this is very important is in the area of diet. (I don’t mean diet in the sense of losing weight, just referring to what one eats).  Making healthier choices when eating can be a difficult one to maintain, if one is used to eating junk and processed foods. Trying to change everything at once can be very difficult. Over the past 2 years, I have made several changes in my personal diet.

• I have stopped drinking soda or iced tea (we drink it SWEET in the South!)
• I eat probably 3 times the amount of fresh fruits and vegetables in a day than I used to.
• I have cut 90% of processed foods out of my diet. I very rarely eat fast food, and stick to 2 restaurants that have food that is acceptable to me.
• Our meals are not based on meat most of the time, and we have several meatless meals a week.

These changes took time. If I had tried to implement them all at once, I would have bombed royally (been there, done that!). And even though I still fight urges every now and again, I very rarely succumb. (I DID NOT say never. I still love tiramisu and have it every few months!)

Creating lasting change in YOUR life

In light of the above post, I want you to think on these questions below. Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments!

1. What were your resolutions this year?
2. Have you been successful so far?
3. How could you approach your resolutions differently to increase your chance of success?
4. What habit do you really want to change?

We all live by a code of values, whether we know it or not. Values are traits or qualities that you consider worthwhile; they represent your highest priorities and deeply held driving forces.

Many times we do not really think about our values, they are just there under the surface. Our values have been shaped by many things in our lives. Many of our values were formed in our family of origin. Some of these values may have been good, and depending on your situation, some not so good. These values tend to be the most deeply ingrained and possibly be more difficult to change.

Over the years, our values have been molded by other things around us. Our school classmates, close friends, our spouse, our co-workers, the media, and our culture in general. You’ll have to admit that some of the things that our culture has bombarded us with are not quite the best values to base our lives on.

Things like: success is measured by how much is in your bank account. Or the type of work you do. Or how well your kids do in school and do they go to the right school.

List of positive values

flexibility, ambition, competency, individuality, equality, integrity, service, accuracy, respect, dedication, diversity, improvement, enjoyment/fun, loyalty, credibility, honesty, innovativeness, teamwork, excellence, accountability, empowerment, quality, efficiency, dignity, collaboration, stewardship, empathy, accomplishment, courage, wisdom, independence, security, challenge, influence, learning, compassion, friendliness, discipline/order, generosity, persistency, optimism, dependability, responsibility

Many of us would adamantly stand up and say that commitment to our family is our highest value, but does your life represent that? Or maybe health and wellness is important to you. Do your daily activities reflect that?

While we can state that our values are one thing, our actions will truly tell where our values lie.

You can change your values

The good news is, you can change your values. They are not set in stone. The key is to become intentional about what you believe in and what is important to you and make choices daily to reflect those values.

Living your values is one of the most powerful tools available to you to help you be the person you want to be, to help you accomplish your goals and dreams, and to help you lead and influence others.

A more complete list of values can be found here.

So what if you life is not lining up with your values, what can you do to change that?

Stay tuned for Part 2!

We all experience bad moods of a moderate type. Whether we are actually actually depressed, to some degree, or not, mood swings can hit us and change our whole outlook on the situation, the day, or on life in a split second.

As I have dealt with depression and anxiety, I would get very frustrated when it seemed I would be doing fine, when “all of a sudden” my mood would change. I would suddenly be more depressed, or anxious. I used to describe it as a window shade of darkness being pulled down in my mind.

My therapist used to say that it was not out of the blue, it would just seem like it. At the point of the mood change, the mind was subconsciously presented with a feeling or a memory it did not know how to process or was uncomfortable processing. It could be something in our very recent memory, but he also told me it could be something from LONG ago that we still have not dealt with.

For those who are emotionally healthy, they may be able to handle the mood change, accept it for what it is and move on. They may understand that they’ll be fine in just a little while. They know that activity is the best way to overcome a foul mood.

For a depressed person, this is not so easy. If we allow our mind to do what it wants, we will let this bad mood make us sad, discouraged and sap us of our energy. All of sudden all seems wrong with the world again.

When depressed, it is hard to understand the ebbs and flows of life, we think that when something “bad” happens, that all of life is bad and will never be good again. That can be the chemical imbalance of the depression talking, but it can also be poor habits of thinking that we have cultivated in our depression.

Gaining control over mood swings

If you feel like your mood has changed all of a sudden, one way to begin to overcome the tricks that the mind can play on us is to ask yourself, “What feelings am I trying to avoid? What is it that is REALLY bothering me? Something that happened to me?”

We don’t like to think about these things. We’d like to just stew in our depression, and not do the hard work and face those things that make us feel bad. I am speaking of myself here too!

The reality is, overcoming depression IS hard work. Getting better will take effort on your part, more than just taking a pill each day. Studies show that therapy and actively working to overcome your depression is just as effective as taking an antidepressant alone. The sad part is, neither work 100% of the time to overcome 100% of the depression.

For those who have suffered a major depressive episode (such as myself) or have suffered with chronic depression for years, it may take medication, therapy and lots of personal work to beat the depression, or at least get a reasonable handle on it.

One thing that is working for me

For myself, one of the things I am finding that helps me when these mood changes come along it to stop and have a conversation with myself about myself. I ask what is it that I am REALLY feeling? It sometimes takes some digging to uncover it, as we have gotten so good at burying our feelings.

Once I pinpoint it, or at least have an idea of what it is, I try to look at it rationally. I ask if there is a REAL reason to be upset. I ask myself WHY is it so upsetting?

That doesn’t always work however, and sometimes I need some help to overcome this thought or feeling that has come up. What has been helping me is to pray about it. I take it to God and ask Him what He thinks about it. And many times I realize that what I am feeling is NOT based on truth, and I must bring it under control and not allow it to control me. This is based upon the verse in 2 Cor. 10:5 that speaks of taking every thought captive and making it obedient to God’s truths.

This has been very helpful to me in stabilizing my mood swings as well as just battling those nagging thoughts that like to pop into my brain. Just being more aware of what I am actually FEELING has helped tremendously. And if I can’t bring that thought under control, it is nice to know that God is there to help me do so.

Have you tried prayer in overcoming your depression and taking those thoughts captive?