I can do this by myself
I have always considered myself a strong woman. I have always been headstrong, (my husband calls me lovingly “high maintenance”). Due to my dysfunctional upbringing, I learned very quickly I could depend on nobody in my life, I learned to look after myself, especially emotionally.
I know that there are quite a few of you who can relate to this. We tend to be the Type A personality, the *go-to* person to get stuff done. And there is only one way to do things, and that would be OUR way.
This is how I have operated for the most part of my adult life. It makes me sound mean and controlling, but I don’t think that most people saw me as that. I believe I came across as confident and sure of myself. So when I began to feel the pressure of my life starting to grow over a year ago, I didn’t tell anyone. I was strong. I can do it. Eventually I confided in my doctor, but mainly so I could get medicated to keep up the pace I was living.
I had deluded myself into thinking that I was indestructible. I have on ongoing *joke* with my Christian psychologist that I knew there was a god. I had believed in Him all my life. But I was living as if I *was* God. I thought I could do all things, I could handle any situation I came up against. I didn’t want to ask for help because I didn’t want to admit I needed it. It was an issue of pride, and not the good kind. It was maybe even arrogance.
When I came to the end of myself, I had to admit I could NOT do it all by myself. I had to have help. I had to depend on others, and more importantly, I had to depend on God. HE is the one who can give me the strength to do the things I need to do, and He is the one who can provide rest when I need rest. This whole period of recovery has been, in a big way, about me learning to depend on Him.
I wouldn’t want to bother anybody…
Now, there is another group of people out there, those who are maybe the opposite of the above. You need help, but you feel you are not worthy of getting help. Or maybe you don’t like to bother people, you don’t want to impose on them, so you just keep trudging along, barely keeping your head above water. And you sure don’t want to bother *God* with your problems!
These are obviously not the only 2 categories of people there are. There are many ways of skewed thinking that keep us from asking for or admitting that we need help.
We CAN’T do it on our own
Whatever way you think of yourself, you have to accept the fact that at some point in your life, you will need help. You will need to ask for help. There are those in your life who will help you, and if the situation is great enough, you may need to reach out to professionals for help. But you also need to reach out to God, however that looks to you. He is waiting there, with His hand outstretched.
Think of it like this. There is a parent looking over a 3 year old child trying to dress himself. He is struggling and getting frustrated, but when the parent tries to help, the child says, “I can do it by myself!” So, the parent just steps back and waits. Eventually, the child plops down on the floor, exhausted and gives up. He looks up and says “I can’t do it. I need help. Will you help me?” The parent was there the whole time, just waiting for the child to admit his need for help.